How to Choose Your Child's School
Wait. We get to choose?
Last night, one of my mutuals on X reached out via DM. This is an account I really enjoy so I thought there was no way he was about to do anything other than offer to mentor me for the low, low price of a gorillion dollars.
I said “Hi” back and he hit me with, “What the f*** do I do about my kids’ education?”
He had short-listed four options, three private and one public.
After we walked through them, I realized that the advice I gave him could be instructive to all of you.
Step 1: Investigate the school’s pedagogy.
This guy knew what each school would cost, but had only a vague idea of how each school would teach their children.
You need to know this. While a sense of the difference between the schools and knowledge of what type of parent sends their kids to each type of school is helpful, you also need to weigh whether your family’s values align with a school’s pedagogical approach. Your kid will spend all day with children whose families’ values do align, and with teachers who are paid to reinforce those values. That’s going to leave a mark, so choose what matches your ethos.
Keep in mind that the school’s ability to carry out its pedagogical vision can vary wildly as it’s dependent on the quality of its personnel and its funding. In the case of public schools and public charters, the lack of real accountability and overarching policy common to taxpayer-funded schools will hamstring any pedagogical approach adopted. Again, some of these schools work tirelessly to hold the line. Others just pay lip-service to their stated aims.
Keep in mind that most pedagogical approaches are possible fully online and all can be hybrid (some days students attend in-person, some days they work from home). The more time you spend guiding the education of your own child, the more likely they are to actually get one.
Here’s a rundown of options other than your typical, neighborhood brick-and-mortar school:
Montessori: Children work at their own pace in mixed-age classrooms with full choice as to what activities they will undertake and when. Montessori is more or less structured play with activities meant to challenge children at different levels of development. Be careful though: lots of schools claim to be Montessori and fill rooms with unpainted wooden objects, but ignore Maria Montessori’s philosophy, which was coherent. REAL Montessori schools are amazing places, but they’re also very rare. Any public school claiming to be a Montessori school is almost certainly doing so disingenuously.
Waldorf: These are schools for hippie kids. The aesthetic is soothing —think soft textures and natural colors— and designed to encourage creativity. Creativity, in fact, is the name of the game. Waldorf is also big on movement and play. There are definitely real academics here—teachers are knowledgeable and are expected to deliver extended direct instruction—but the approach is different and students are meant to process learning in ways that are expressive, creative, and ultimately personal. Waldorf schools are nature-oriented. Many have seasonal celebrations; think Gaia, not Santa, though. Technology is minimized. Ironically, Waldorf schools are very popular among tech CEOs, which says something about the way they raise their children vs. how they would prefer you raise yours.
Classical: Rigor, recitation, cold-calling, reading, reading, reading, and writing. In my room, classical is hard-ass, old-school, no-excuses education. Classical schools are built around the idea that a love for what is Good, True, and Beautiful must be purposefully inculcated in all children, which is done through classic texts and foundational knowledge of Western civ. The Founders considered such education necessary to the maintenance of our Republic. However, classical classrooms are not suited to the modern indulged child; they nope out fast. Accountable Socratic dialogue is the key to in-class instruction. There is little to no technology, though this can very from school to school. (My students write very often and their formal assessments generally take the form of in-class essays.) In recent years, classical education has seen a resurgence, especially among Christians, though in my experience, that’s more about Christians running away from public schools antagonistic to their beliefs than their love for the trivium. Many families eventually come fully on-board, but others are frustrated to find out that a Mission-aligned classical school is very, very different from a high-rigor conventional public school.
STEM: STEM schools are hands-on. Problem-solving activities drive learning, usually with the goal of preparing students for careers in tech. These schools usually are 1:1 device schools, i.e., every kid gets a laptop/tablet. Public STEM magnet schools and charter schools cover the humanities, but spend more energy on science and math learning, by design.
AI-based: Relatively new, these schools claim that with adaptive technology students learn more, faster. AI meets the student where they are exactly, patiently spiraling through the curriculum at the pace of the student, reteaching and testing as necessary. Many employ a model wherein students complete core academic work in a few hours in the morning, then are freed to work on projects, sports, or other academic enrichment. The buzz on social media is that these schools are amazing, life-changing, and valuable — if not affordable — but I’m not sure how much of that is real and how much is marketing.
Project-Based Learning: The idea behind PBL schools is that students learn through in-depth projects which address real-world problems. This approach is meant to emphasize collaboration, critical thinking, and creativity. As much as I wanted this to be awesome, the logistics of this approach mean your child is always doing a project, usually in a group. In a public school, I’m pretty sure you can imagine what that looks like. Still, some schools get outsized results based on solid curriculum and clear guidelines for administrators, like Acton Academies.
Religious: Faith will be integrated into the daily life of the school. Such schools can be associated with any religion, from Catholicism to Islam to Judaism, not to mention the many, many Protestant sects. In the United States, these are all private schools. The primary goal of religious schools is usually to ensure the students are raised with a strong foundation in their faith, the tenets of their belief driving instruction and assessment. Religious schools sometimes are quite academically rigorous and sometimes not rigorous at all.
Democratic Schools: These are exceedingly rare, but they are the communes of schooling. They emphasize autonomy, discussion, and collegial decision-making. Students are empowered to use democratic methods — lots and lots of talking — about any issues that crop up at school. Students choose their own curriculum and have enormous agency in their own education. Often, there are few formal classes. Even when there are, students are free to run their day how they see fit. Students who attend these schools and the parents who send their kids to them seem to love them.
Okay, now that I’ve given you the rundown of most pedagogical approaches, and you’ve selected what you think fits best with how you want your children to mature, here’s how you should proceed.
Step 2: Read each school’s Mission Statement.
There’s really only one reason to read the Mission statement, since they are rarely followed strictly. The Mission statement tells you the prevailing attitude of the leadership at the school and, to a certain extent, signals what the school district’s priorities are.
Example 1: Weak, but probably not dangerous.
“The mission of __________ is to provide a purposeful teaching and learning environment, which challenges our students to achieve academic, artistic, personal and civic excellence. We believe that the most promising strategy for achieving the mission of __________ is to function as a collaborative professional learning community.”
This is fine. I have one concern. Do you see it?
Where are these people focusing: on the kids or the staff?
Example 2: Solid, not great.
“__________ mission is to create a community that fosters academic success, personal responsibility, and community respect by providing diverse opportunities to develop students’ interests and abilities.”
This is what the average parent wants: academic success, personal responsibility, and respect.
Is there some subtle messaging in that last sentence? Maybe, but as long as the priorities remain aligned as listed in the mission statement, I’d be okay with it given no option that would better serve my family’s goals.
Example 3: Spidey Senses Tingling
“__________ is a diverse and inclusive community dedicated to the intellectual, personal, and social growth of each student. We develop critical thinkers, problem solvers, and compassionate, globally-minded citizens who use their knowledge and skills to contribute to a just and equitable society.”
The first sentence is fine and would keep most parents on board. The second begins well, but then starts coding for leftist policy.
When you see the word “compassion” it means restorative justice, i.e., compassion directed at the perpetrator, i.e., zero discipline in the classroom.
When you hear “globally-minded” we’re talking oppressed/oppressor dynamics in the classroom.
The last clause? Anytime I see variants of the words “equity” and “justice” in the mission, I assume that academic standards are ambiguous at best, nonexistent at worst. While this sounds good at first (easy A, amirite?) what it means in practice is that your child will arrive at an expensive college totally unprepared for any major that requires big brains and hard work.
Example 4: Klaxons Are Sounding
“_________ is committed to fostering a safe, inclusive, and equitable learning environment where all students are empowered to become responsible global citizens. We cultivate critical thinking, ethical decision-making, and digital literacy to prepare students for active participation in a diverse, interconnected world.”
Yeah. If I saw this one, I’d run. I don’t care what the academic outcomes look like. Besides, places like this thrive on grade inflation; otherwise they fail the “equity” part of the mission.
If you want a clearer understanding of what I mean about Mission Statement examples 3 and 4, you can read this:
Example 5: Run. Run as far and as fast as you can.
“__________ is committed to creating a culture of academic excellence and personal growth, fostering a sense of belonging for all students. We empower our diverse student body to become critical thinkers, compassionate leaders, and responsible global citizens prepared for success in a dynamic world.”
I’ll leave this one to fellow Dissident, Paul Rossi.
Step 3: Visit the school.
This is much trickier than it sounds. You’re basically getting pitched the most expensive timeshare of your life and the salesman is desperate to make the sale (although representatives of high-tuition private schools will pretend they don’t care).
They are going to paint you the rosiest possible outcome. They are only going to take you to the classrooms of the best teachers, if they allow you to see classrooms at all. Many public schools will not allow you to enter any student zone for “safety” reasons.
Here’s the thing: tours don’t tell you all that much, unless you’re allowed free movement on campus and can remain there all day. I don’t know of any school permitting this. If your spouse is into protocol and box-checking, then go ahead and go. You are looking for red flags. Here is where you’ll find them.
Are the students or the staff in control of the school? Look for non-verbal cues.
Do students move aside when an adult walks through?
Do kids acknowledge adult eye contact with a smile or a nod?
Are they playing/talking when they’re together outside of class or are they on devices?
Are the classes orderly? Kids need a quiet environment to concentrate. It doesn’t always have to be silent, but you should be able to tell from student behavior what the expectations are for in-class behavior. If students are sitting on desks, chatting, their backs to the teacher, your kid is going to be in for a bad time when it comes to learning.
How are the teachers dressed? I get tennis shoes on elementary teachers, but other than that, business casual should be the norm. If you see athleisure or sloppy casual, that tells you how the principal runs the school. When you see a lack of baseline standards of professionalism, administration is too hands-off. That does not bode well for classroom discipline or instruction.
How healthy does the staff look? Almost no one talks about this, but it matters. Poor teacher attendance really hurt kids. Teachers who use coping mechanisms like drinking and compulsive eating as a band-aid on workplace stress (understandable, because stress can be astronomical in a dysfunctional school) frequently miss work. Excessive teacher absence usually goes unpunished because the contract allows for it in states with strong unions. Frequent teacher absences result in poor student outcomes. Obesity, desk-bound “teaching”, and/or low-energy instruction are indications the staff are beaten down. You do not want your kid in such a school.
Step 4: Interview the principal.
The most important things you need to know about the school are the things almost no parent asks about, let alone investigates fully: curriculum and instruction. Parents just assume the school teaches the state standards. While schools are tasked with exactly that, the materials and approach they use to do so can vary widely. In some schools, they may follow a path that will frustrate your family’s educational goals.
After you schedule a meeting with the principal, send a pre-meeting email letting her know you want the following information at the meeting:
What does the instructional calendar for your child’s grade look like? In other words, what units do teachers follow in which months?
If the principal can’t present an answer to this question at the meeting, you are in trouble. If the principal directs you to the teacher, fine. But if you reach out to the teacher and don’t hear back, you’re REALLY in trouble. Either the teacher doesn’t know her calendar, or she ignores it. In that case, your kid is at her mercy entirely and you won’t know what to expect.
Which textbooks do you use for history? for science? for English? Which novels, if any, will your child be expected to read?
You can also call the District office and ask what books are used at each grade level. Actually, having said that, drive your butt over there and ask the district in person. The office will likely ignore your email or voice mail. If you’re there, you can tell them, politely, you’re not leaving until they tell you which books have been approved by the elected Board for use with students. Ask to borrow a copy. If they don’t loan you one, look on Amazon for reviews. If you don’t find any helpful information from other parents, I’d hit up eBay and see if I could find used copies so I could review them personally.
Novels as part of the curriculum are a good sign. However, all novels are not created equal. Once you know the titles your child will be reading, mosey on over to Commonsense Media to see if the novels in the curricular plan support the values you’re working to inculcate in your child at home.
Is this a 1:1 device school? Do teachers use laptops/iPads in the classroom or are students working on paper?
I’m not here to tell you what to do about this, but I am absolutely here to disabuse you of any foolish notion that teachers will deploy iPads/laptops effectively in the classroom. If the kids are in middle school, that device is primarily going to be used for their entertainment. The teacher might intend to use it otherwise, but the second those things are in your kids’ hands, the ability to police their use becomes unmanageable.
When every student has a school-issued device, your kid is free to fart around on the internet during class and get the work done when and if (and it’s a big if) it has a noticeable effect on his grade. Because of Equitable Grading practices, student work is accepted at a Shakira-esque standard, i.e., “whatever, whenever.”
How do I know this? Because I watched it happen across all the students in my 1:1 device high schools and with my oldest child. After I realized that 1:1 devices were a huge waste of his time and saw that my high school students were performing markedly worse than they had before 1:1 device adoption, I threw in the towel, summarily yanked my children out of the public schools entirely, kissed over $1 million in pension benefits goodbye, and took a 20% pay cut to sign a teaching contract with a device-free classical school that could take my kids too.
Tech in the classroom facilitates lessons you don’t want littles learning, at all, and that you don’t want enforced in your pre-teens and adolescents; they are absolute poison to human success. I wrote about all of that in the article below, so I’ll shut up about it now, but you should read the article (and give me an “Amen” because you know I’m right).
Does the school primarily use Project-based or Discovery Learning?
My son was enrolled in the District’s vaunted Project Based Learning flagship school for 6th grade. I’d tried to get a job in that school, but was edged out of the interview process because, no joke, they had to move one of my colleagues who was having an affair with a principal on-site, blowing up both of their marriages. Good times. End result, I stayed at my high school worksite and my kid went to the 6-12 magnet. This is relevant because (1) it gives you a glimpse into hiring at public schools and (2) had I been hired there, I would have resigned sooner.
Anyway, I put my kid in the school because I was a true believer. I went to all the Project-Based Learning trainings. I ran trainings at my site. I had implemented PBL in my economics classes at the time and, no it wasn’t great, but like Boxer in Animal Farm, I thought if I just worked harder things would get better for all of us.
And then the evidence rolled in, courtesy of my gifted, motivated son, that PBL wasn’t going to work. It wasn’t just me not being good enough as an experienced, highly-credentialed, teacher using it in my own classroom, it was the fact that the system couldn’t support project-based learning at scale, despite the District spending nearly $50 million to open the school and roll it out.
This is what happened. In his math class, he was given his first project at the very beginning of the year. He knew his classmates, so he chose another talented math student with whom to work. They finished the project in two class periods.
The due date was four weeks out.
Their plan was to game and peep YouTube for the remainder of the project time. When I found out, I yanked him and put him in the conventional middle school adjacent to the high school where I worked. From there, I began the process of begging the head of the tech department at the district office to allow me to block access to YouTube and Google Games at least, which I was promised could be done, for my own kids if not the school population at large. Every school in the District issued devices to every child, including kindergartners.
Remember: I was a respected employee in the same District, and the tech lead and I were friendly.
I never could limit my own children’s access.
I’m sure there are some schools who do PBL well. Acton Academy comes to mind, though owner-operators of franchised private schools like those in the Acton system will have different success rates based on their fidelity to the model and staffing.
A public school touting PBL? I wouldn’t trust it, but investigate for yourself. Start by asking for samples of the project requirements given to students across subjects. If the school can’t/won’t share these with you, that’s a red flag. If they do give you access to them, go over them and see if they feel appropriate for your child’s age. Make sure to check the resource list as well; in the English or History classroom, the sources of the information curated by the teacher will tell you a lot about the tenor of the class. I’d be okay with the typical university website; I’d be concerned if they were pulling resources from political activist non-profits. You’ll have to actually read the resources to know if they are since the names of these organizations lean Orwellian.
If the projects themselves seem like something your smart kid could knock out fast, you’re going to have the same problem I had with my eldest child. The opposite can also be true. Some of my friends whose children remained at that school told horror stories of their kids crying miserably on multiple Thursday nights a month and parents intervening to “help” with the project due the Friday because, you guessed it, their kid’s time in school was spent scrolling/playing on their school-issued device instead of working consistently on a long-term project.
Of course, your kid might not tell you he is able to spend the bulk of his time in school building a dopamine-addiction you’ll have to fight like hell, and won’t be able to fix if you keep sending him to a school with more or less unlimited internet access. I wrote about that in the article below, if you want to know more.
Does the teacher contract specify that teachers have pedagogical freedom? If not, does it specify that they are allowed to select “supplemental instructional materials”?
“Pedagogical freedom” is how most of the evil in public K-12 schools spreads. Well-meaning, compassionate but, at the end of the day, ignorant teachers exercise their pedagogical freedom to select materials that serve their worldview, in hopes it will imprint their beliefs onto your children. You cannot opt out of this if you want your child’s grades to remain high. I’ve watched families try; it rarely goes well. That’s a big part of the reason ideologues are drawn to public education: they’re able to leverage the coercive power of grades to get your kid regurgitating their beliefs, knowing that if anyone repeats something enough, even a bald-faced lie, people will eventually begin to believe it.
The principal may tell you that pedagogical freedom is not written into the teacher contract. She may say teachers are expected to stick to the curriculum, but you’re going to have to ask the second question: are teachers allowed to select supplementary instructional materials? If teachers are allowed to add readings, worksheets, videos, etc., to “enrich” the curriculum or “differentiate” instruction, that’s a vector for the teacher to insert her beliefs into the day’s learning.
As much as teachers moan about having to stick to a particular “script”, few lessons are actually scripted. However, teachers are expected to follow curriculum in our republican school system, where the community elects representatives to the school board to steward the education of voters’ children, especially the selection of textbooks and other instructional materials.
If you’re not going to pay attention to what your child is reading, watching, and listening to, then by all means, just pick whatever school is closest. Otherwise, you have some work to do.
How does the school score on the state tests in literacy?
If a significant number of the students are not proficient readers, all the instruction will be slowed to meet the needs of poor performers. Ideally, you’d have no more than 10% of students behind, but in public schools, that’s just not realistic; it’s going to be closer to 30%. A really good teacher can work around that, but few teachers in any school are actually that good.
The problem is that damn near every public school has this problem and a lot of the charters do too. No matter how good the instructional materials are (curriculum), if the kids in the classes aren’t at least close to on-level, your kid’s learning will suffer.
What’s the percentage of Special Education students enrolled in the school ?
A high enough percentage of IEPs can destroy the academic standards in a school. I have taught Special Ed students with enormous success in my career, but doing it well in the current system takes huge effort most teachers won’t put in. Despite my success, I still got pushback from parents who believed accommodations meant their child was guaranteed an A or B, not to mention having to deal with administrators who would rather grade inflate away instructional concerns than hold the line on academic standards, let alone Federal law. I said it, I’m not taking it back, and if you want to know more, you can read here:
Step 5: Choose Wisely
Your child’s education is the most important project of your life. It absolutely will determine their lifetime happiness and success.
Can your kid get a real education in any school, even a terrible one?
She sure can, but you’re going to have to work enormously hard to fill in gaps and pick up the pieces stemming from systemic dysfunction.
Can your kid get a great education in a school that’s not aligned to your family’s values?
She sure can, but you’re going to end up with a child you love but who you might not like very much and who very well may decide she doesn’t like you.
I’ve written this guide to help as many of you get the best possible education for your children as you can. You will have to work to get it, just like anything else worth having in this life.
I’ll leave you with one question: might it not be worthwhile, in the face of the headwinds I listed above, to just direct the whole project yourself? The technology is there now to make it manageable. The extra time with a kid you love is a payoff most people would kill to have, if only looking in the rear-view mirror.
It’s on the table in front of you, there for the taking.
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Oh my gosh! SO MANY TYPOS! I am fixing them now. So sorry, readers!!
Great post. Thank you for laying things out so clearly. One additional point: schools accredited by NAIS and/or their state independent school association are under real pressure to align with the priorities of those organizations, whether that’s DEI, sustainability, or other educational trends. To maintain accreditation and reputation, many adopt the expected language in their mission statements and policies. But in practice, some take a more measured approach, quietly adapting to their own community’s values. That’s why it’s so important to visit, talk to families, and see classrooms in action. What’s on paper doesn’t always reflect what’s happening on the ground.